let them

a subjective, contradicting essay on romantic partnerships and human connection, because love is not black and white.

happy you’re here.

i will no longer send paragraphs to people who can’t bother to send a text back. no longer over-communicate in hopes of compensating for their lack thereof. no longer defend hurtful, inconsistent behavior because “they’re just too busy!!”

i’m gonna hold your hand when i say this, they’re aren’t too busy, you just aren’t a priority.

now, this may sound contradicting to what i just said, but i don’t necessarily agree with the “if they wanted to, they would” sentiment that has taken the internet by storm. because there have been many things i wanted to do, wanted to say, but didn’t.

human connection cannot be broken down to such a generalizing statement about the parallels between desire and action. we are not mind readers, it is unfair to expect people to anticipate needs that have not been priorly communicated.

BUT, i do strongly believe that if they know you want them to, and they still don’t? it’s no longer confusion, it is a choice. and they are not choosing you.

so let them.

because why would you want to be with someone who is not all in on you?

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i would rather adjust my life to someones absence than adjust my boundaries to their disrespect.

which, i will say, is not something i have always felt. this is a rather new revelation of mine. i have historically been the person to accept the breadcrumbs, to allow the same cycle of conflict to repeat time and time again with no change in sight, to sacrifice my emotional safety, if it meant i was loved.

but this was not love. it was convenience wrapped in bread-crumbing. keeping me in the loop just long enough to keep me around. convinced that if i just had one more conversation, sent one more text reiterating my needs, that they would finally get it.

spoiler alert: they never did.

or maybe they did, but never cared enough to do anything about it.

now you see, the downfall of all of my romantic relationships has been communication, or a lack thereof. overstaying my welcome in a relationship that was not serving me, hoping that if i watered down my needs, accepted the breadcrumbs, and tried so hard to convince myself that i was ok with this treatment, that it would work. that i could finally prove 16 year old sophia wrong, that i wasn’t hard to love.

these relationships worked for one of the involved parties, and i bet you can guess that it wasn’t me.

i saw their true colors, yet consistently tried to paint over them. because leaving felt like i was giving up on them, giving up on what could be, but staying meant giving up on myself. i protected their heart more than my own, except they weren’t protecting my heart either. so in the end, i was the one left broken.

all because i didn’t just let them.

the idea of letting them isn’t about accepting shitty treatment, but rather listening when someone tells you exactly who they are, accepting that their lack of action has made it clear they do not want to change, and leaving.

let them be exactly who they are,

and if who they are is consistently hurting you?

that is not a person you need to keep in your orbit.

i would rather be alone the rest of my life than feel alone in a relationship ever again. which is scary to admit, because no one wants to be alone. no one wants to be the one left behind. but if it means protecting my peace, it is a tradeoff i will have to accept.

the term “protect your peace” has been recycled through the media so many times that it has lost its true meaning. it doesn’t mean bailing on friends birthdays because you’re tired, but it does mean walking away from hurtful situations, and hurtful people, even if that means doing it without closure.

because no answer is an answer within itself.

they ghost you? let them.

they don’t initiate any plans? let them.

they don’t call when they say they will? let them.

and walk away.

the love you are looking for is already inside of you. it is all around you. pour into yourself with such abundance that people fall in love with the overflow.

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