from puking in trash cans to TED talks

feel the fear and do it anyway!!!!

happy you’re here.

hello my sunshine angel babies and welcome BACK to another edition of happy you’re here!! if you’re reading this, that means i am officially a TEDx speaker!! i am writing this on the Thursday (april 10th) before the event and it doesn’t feel real! this edition of happy you’re here is going to be allllll about getting over your limiting beliefs and fears + how i got to where i am today!

Photo by Chris Montgomery on Unsplash

from puking in trashcans to now!

the year is 2010, 3rd grade at Plesant Valley Elementary School, a mom is forced to pick her daughter up from school early. receiving a call from the office that a young Sophia had her head in the classroom trash bin, throwing up from the anxiety caused by her upcoming in-class presentation. paralyzed by the idea of perception. Of performance. from that moment on, I would use any excuse in the book to get out of a presentation.

i think I can speak for many of us when I say that public speaking would TERRIFY me, as an anxious girl, my body didn’t know the difference between “popcorn reading” in my freshman year english class, and being chased by a bear. The fight or flight response was ON.

now, for a bit of backstory, I was in speech therapy for 5 years. So as a kid, speaking in general already made me anxious and embarrassed. I couldn't even pronounce my own last name. This gave me a lot of fear surrounding perception, mainly, public speaking. A fear that lasted up far into my adult life.

in class presentations would make me lose sleep, read aloud’s would cause a panic in my body like no other, yet here I am, giving a TEDx talk this Friday. So what changed?

i’m gonna tell you a little secret: public speaking STILL terrifies me.

i get nervous before every speech. my hands shake and my heart races, yet i do it anyway. why? what changed from my debilitating fear all through life, to giving a TEDx talk to hundreds of people?

purpose. exposure. practice.

purpose

i’m sorry but i did not care about the characteristics of a eukaryote cell in the 6th grade. so not only was i anxious about presenting to my classmates, i was uninterested. it held no meaning to me.

but now? i’m speaking about things that i have personally lived through, topics that hold weight to my life because they almost cost me my life. there is purpose behind the act.

the fear doesn’t seem as paralyzing because i am doing something i believe in. speaking on something that would’ve made a difference in my life years ago, and now hoping i can be that difference in someones life today. as cheesy as it sounds, its true. you need to find your “why”

why? why does this matter to you? why are you doing this?

purpose turned my fear into drive. yes. it still scares me, but it scares me because i know it’s important. i know the impact it can impact. i no longer let the fear control me, but rather push me.

exposure

if you were to watch a video of my first speech on mental health, let me save you the 10 minutes, it was a wreck. BUT, it was raw. it was me. it made impact. and i didn’t let not being good at it deter me.

did i read off my phone with my head down the entire time? yes.

did i talk a million miles a minute because i was so scared? yes.

but did i come back and do it again year after year? yes.

feel the fear and do it anyway.

you cannot expect to get over a fear if you never face it. the more you avoid it, the bigger and scarier it will become over time. its like the laundry chair in your room, the longer you wait to fold it and put everything away - the more undesirable the action becomes. because you allowed it to build.

action eases anxiety.

you must accept that you will not be perfect. that the skill will not immediately come to you. but the more times you do it, the more times you put yourself out there, the easier it will start to feel.

practice

i was very blessed to have a safe environment to practice every summer, which then gave me enough confidence to reach out and begin speaking for other camps/clubs/groups. i coach volleyball, both club and summer camps, and coach at a High School team camp every summer. a week long sleep away where you live and breathe volleyball, which also so happens to have coaches talks. 3 coaches a day get to speak to 500+ girls about anything they’d like.

an old coach, now friend, is the one that encouraged (and pushed) me to give a coaches talk about my history with eating disorders. and i am forever grateful for her.

for the past 3 summers, i have been given this safe space. in an environment i feel very comfortable in, coaching and playing volleyball, to practice my skills as a pubic speaker. and it changed my life.

your perfectionism is delaying your progress.

aspire to be 1% better every time you do it. that’s all you need. perfect is not human, people don’t connect with perfect. people connect with authenticity

we’re all scared. feel the fear, and do it anyways. do it scared.

as always,

i’m happy you’re here.

xxoxoxoxoox byeeeeee love ya