community is not found, it is created

making friends in your twenties is hard, but here's how to make it a little easier.

happy you’re here.

hello hello my sunshine angel babies and welcome back to happy you’re here. i’m your host! sophia! a 23 year old girl who is navigating post grad, life in her early twenties, trauma healing, and alllllll things mental health. i started this newsletter to give myself an outlet to publish all of my writing, a stream of consciousness in a sense. i am a firm believer that words have the power to change lives so why not start a newsletter and share them with the world!

this edition is all about friendship, mainly, female friendship. its hard to find “your people” , especially in your twenties. but here are some tips, and reminders, to carry with you as you navigate this phase of life.

before we get into it!! make sure you’re subscribed so you’re notified of every new publication AND get it sent right to your email! newsletters go live every sunday and wednesday at 5:13pm (sometimes earlier, i get too excited) PST :)

photo credit goes to a sweet friend of mine that i met during my time living on Hawai’i <3

increase your outputs

making friends in your twenties is HARD. for most of us, people our age were accessible through high school/university, organized sport, clubs, and simply just proximity. now, as we begin to enter post grad, move to new cities, and no longer have this direct source to find and build community, it begins to be increasingly more difficult to make new friends. the majority of my friendships were formed either in high school or college, and now being one year post grad and living in Hawaii, thousands of miles away from my people and on a literal island, i’ve experience a LOT of feelings of loneliness.

so what do i mean when i say “increase your outputs” ?

do. more.

do little things outside of your typical routine that put you in new environments. try that new cafe you’ve been meaning to check out, sign up for a workout class, walk on a different trail than usual, talk to that stranger in a bar, message that person online that you have a “friend crush” on, paint pottery at a local studio, get a day pass to a new gym, start complimenting or saying hi to more people, hangout with your friends other friends. throw shit at the wall and see what sticks.

increase your outputs to the world.

you cannot expect something to change, if nothing changes.

you cannot expect to meet new people and create new experiences if you yourself are refusing to step out of your comfort zone.

so i did. i did just that. and much to my surprise, it worked.

example 1: there was a girl at my new gym on island and she looked really nice, and was in the locker room with me as i was about to leave. so i took it as a sign from the universe to say hi!! i complimented her outfit, she complimented my tattoos, we got to chit chatting, immediately connected, exchanged numbers, and have been friends ever since.

example 2: i got a part time job in my new city to expose me to more people in the community on island! and not only did i meet so many kind people in the process, i also ended up becoming good friends with the girl who trained me! who then introduced me to her best friend, and became friends with her too!

now, of course this took time, these two examples were over the span of 6 or 7 months AND it also took effort and intention on both sides!!! but, neither of these friendships wouldn’t have happened if i didn’t increase my outputs!!

stop being so nonchalant. love your people and love them loudly.

we all want to feel that sense of community and “girlhood”

but it won’t just happen.

we can’t sit around and expect for it to find us, effort needs to be made! and that is ok! put your pride aside. stop normalizing being nonchalant, love your people. love them loudly. love them often.

if you’re thinking of someone, text them!

if you miss someone, ask to hangout!

if you like somones’s shoes, tell them!

we all get so caught up in our own heads, being so scared to reach out first because

what if they’re busy??? what if they reject us! what if they cancel plans?

what if what if what if what if what if what if

BUT:

what if they respond. what if they’ve been thinking about you too. what if they’ve been scared to reach out, and are so happy you did. what if they don’t cancel, and it actually goes great. what if you are brave enough to face rejection, and know that it will not define you if it happens.

the people we love are worth the risk, worth the sacrifice, worth the time, and worth the effort.

stop expecting the worst from people. and start moving with hope and trust in the relationships you have built.

be picky with the people you love and let close

do not allow loneliness to override your self respect.

harsh, i know, i’m sorry but it had to be said. you are allowed to be picky with the people you let close to you. you are allowed to ask for more than the bare minimum.

the periods of time where you are struggling to find your people are tough. i have been in MANY of them over my 23 years of life. more often than not, i felt like an outsider. there were big chunks of time where i felt really alone.

so i became my own best friend,

i loved myself so hard that i no longer continued to accept any less from someone else.

it took a long time, and a lot of effort, to create the amazing community of girls i now am so lucky to surround myself with. but please do not let this scare you away. good things take time, and the time will pass anyways. you are worth the effort. you are worth the time.

there are seats saved for you at tables you don’t even know exist yet, with people you have yet to meet. but they are there, waiting for you to arrive.

thats all from me folks! i hope you enjoyed this wednesday’s edition of happy you’re here. :D

allow the comment section of this post to be a place to meet new people! introduce yourself, and who knows, maybe you’ll make a new friend!

& as always

i’m happy you’re here.

ok byeeeeeee

xoxoxoxo

love ya

soph